aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - today, we explore dizziness. i unexpectedly shove the ground a little harder with my bruised feet and fly a shopping cart through an empty aisle as far as i can, fifteen years of mine missing for a few seconds. i leap backwards off the top of the wall without warning my belayer and relish the panicked protests from my startled gut as i finally claim the ten foot fall in a way i never have before. i step onto the porch in a million misty mornings and take a million first drags, hold them in and close my eyes for the second of scarce spinning euphoria i'll kill myself chasing for the rest of the day. i stand on the rung and try to balance the chair on two legs, full of bourbon and nervous contentment as she twirls endearing little stories about everything. i run into the joy and stars and single degrees and snowbanks of the witching hour, december thirty-first (the whole bacchanalian lot of us wearing nothing). i find the makeshift swing and attain an appreciable height. i make a snow angel then dash back into the sauna as the cold spins my vision. i sing with the radio as loudly and sincerely as i can until i am out of breath. i take my hand off the handlebars for as long as i dare (two seconds) i turn off the headlights for as long as i dare (four seconds) i picture the morning of august twenty-eighth for as long as i dare i ponder letting it go for as long as i dare the surety of two feet on the ground is hubris at best and (on occasion) a waste of good heartbeats. 5:04 a.m. - 2011-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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