aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - it begins as these nights often do - legs ache then slowly numb in my too-soft twin-sized. the complaints settle sufficiently around six and the light from the fog outside smears across my sight. i am greeted by typical garbled imagery - facade of a building almost recognized covered in snow or ants or static - old professor approaches to collect a paper - barking conversation. then it resolves. the realistic ones, they scare me the most. this is a birthday party: my family is there with twenty or thirty other people i know. it must be victoria's birthday. twenty-one finally. i nervously avoid eye contact with her like i have for years. finally she catches me, smiles and waves. my bird-heart hops and i return the greeting. i light a cigarette to calm down but we are inside so there is already a dirty california smog around the ceiling. i am too embarrassed to stop. she comes to my table. we carry on like four years but soon i am drunk with terror. i lean over and hold her at a strange honest angle like you do when there is no time to stand up. i do not see her reaction. my eyes focus on the tree outside. it has accumulated an inch-or-so of frost since i saw it. 3:37 p.m. - 2012-01-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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