aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - sometimes it comes to pass that i forget to fear the big grey fish - the deadlines, the social engagements, the checks that reduce my savings by a full third. and when these great forgettings occur, i tend to recall the dusty petty rubble that collects in the corners. it is the tachycardia i still fight through when dialing a phone or ringing a doorbell. it is the methodical time-wasting i perform to avoid being uncomfortably early. it is the wrenching dull ache in my left hip that keeps me from sleep. what i find so interesting about the little annoyances is that they have always been completely devoid of meaning for me - not a one occupies either side of a grand metaphor, and they rarely even arouse any hint of resigned sentiment. they simply exist (just on the boundary of my awareness) like the underside of the carpet or blank pages between chapters. and so sometimes my addiction to metacognition flares up and i feel the need to assign symbolism and meaning (eleventh grade-like) to my tics and pains. but now i'm thinking that it's fine to have detail that does nothing to further the narrative. i can wring nerves from my hand or agony from my tendons and think of nothing and come closer to sleep than i ever do motionless and nostalgic in my cold empty twin-size 9:57 p.m. - 2012-02-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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