aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - ever have a night where every wrong thing you've ever done has a parade behind your eyes? the more you think about the perceived shortcomings of the world, the taller they become. the clock broke when i tried to hang it up in one of those frantic clumsy spells i've worked so hard to get past. the terminals came loose - clock parts aren't general glued down. i'll keep trying to fix it. somebody should have known from the beginning that i'd have trouble when what bothered me most as a child was a broken toy. i protected everything zealously, so when it broke it seemed it was indicative of some serious failure on my part. i'll fix it. i actually really look forward to the weekends, even though it means my four-day stint in the box. the bank teller is so easily friendly at the end of her shift that you can tell it's just how she is. and there's this older fellow who comes into the store on monday morning. he has a great mustache and wears a green vest. Terry, from Nebraska. we always talk for twenty or thirty minutes. he moved here last year without any sort of connection. i think he was trying to leave some tragedy behind, but he has never told me. sometimes there is a sadness in the corners of his eyes and under his careful drawl. i do my best to step out of whatever bored angst i'm steeping in and cheer him up with stories of the beautiful lakes to the north or the goldish foothills on the way to Butte that surely teem with pheasants. he might be able to tell when i have to fudge some details, but it always leaves us both in a lighter mood. tonight is the weekly feast. we started it a few months ago, my friend and i. he goes by either his first name or his middle name, but you have to choose one, and he sorts his acquaintances by that choice. i use both. the first night, we had a real heavy talk, the sort i haven't had in years. i think i gave him the right advice. lately we've invited others, but they're always disappointing - abrasive chimps who can't communicate outside of television quotes and still think they're funny. i was chiding myself last time for being a pretentious ass until Todo (middle name) muttered the selfsame observation under his breath. i deeply appreciate parallel thoughts like that. it's easy to forget that painting yourself as a misunderstood outsider only leads to uncomfortable french novellas. 4:41 p.m. - 2013-03-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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