aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - it has been about two months, i guess. i've grown calm and quiet, my imitation of grace. i just wanted to be anything but manic. there was one night, right when the fear set in, when i realized my arms were too heavy to lift. i almost lay down in the store, right between the flour and the ziploc bags. but i didn't. i don't actually know how i got home that night. but i did. my brother gets this look sometimes - his eyes dim and water a bit and his lips tighten to hold everything in because he shouldn't make a sound. it's knives all through me. i used to look the same, when disappointment did its best to close off my throat. he probably has a good decade of it left. but i can't be that way anymore. i'm too proud or lazy or scared. i have to let everything pass. so it's been about two months. and i'm calm and quiet, anything but manic. i've accepted every possibility. i don't fear the mailman. i leave my phone at home and look everyone in the eye. i don't know where anything sits. i think i'll be just fine. 5:50 a.m. - 2013-04-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||