aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - i never did write an epitaph for megan. she taught me that i could be earnest. she taught me that i could be a monster. the seeds of both were always apparent, but it took her to show me. she was sweet in this direct way unique among my old lovers. i'm still not sure what happened to us. i have a vague feeling of some specific trauma (a bone knitted but aching) but i never could identify it. we shared a strange enthusiasm that melted over the months into fear in her eyes and vitriol in my voice. they fed off each other in septic ouroboros until i broke and fled. it wanted for grace but was certainly the right choice. still, i carry pieces of her, all the beauty i could salvage from my shame and regret and wanton destruction. i make brief bizarre connections with strangers. i sing along to wretched pop music. i try my best to be straight and warm and simple. and i'll never tear another smile apart. 7:30 a.m. - 2013-05-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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