aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - so i had to fight with my dumb brain all last night to keep from writing something incredible angsty. i guess i reverted to the high school persona i never really had. here's something a little better (perhaps not wholly bright-eyed, but at least bitterly amused): i hate caring (contain your mirth; that's not the punchline). not because it takes too much time or energy - really, these are things i love to devote - but because of how self-defeating i can be. when i am serene and uninterested, i feel like i move and speak like a genuine (perhaps even entertaining) person. i can do whatever i want, provided i don't realize i want it. but introduce that grain of concern - just a mote of interest - and i shut down. i forget something like ten years of progress and personality and retreat into a caricature of a kid i hated being. i'm not sure when i decided that becoming a lifeless cutout was the appropriate response to a life that grabbed me for once, but boy was that a poor decision. i probably didn't quite strike the right tone. i honestly laugh - out loud to an empty house - at how well i shoot myself in the foot. 4:32 p.m. - 2011-08-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||