aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - tread water in life, tread water in words. when you leave the autumn fires where they sit, let it sour on grass soon wither as you sleep away the worthier part of the day, you'll soon be left with nothing but writing itself to write about. and then the weight of all the little symbols (tokens of a pulse) becomes unclear in your hands. when the sum of your thoughts is bound in an orchid on your lapel, it is impossible to tell if you're nearing a person or grasping at straws. and when the only effort your heart makes is to poultice your friends' bruises, it's impossible to tell whether you have any of your own. these frosted leaves truly are the silver hairs of a summer that never ended - the peace in the vacuum of tangible troubles, the empty productivity of robot-lonely nights, the tepid ennui of stagnant freedom. but the absence of deadlines is hardly the absence of needs, and i have neglected my own. shunned them, really - it is an old habit of mine to fall into guilt at the first acknowledgment of weak human dependence. this is why i spend my weekends hoping to rescue hapless friends from bars and dorms and gas stations and heartbreak and misery: the nobility of being needed offsets (somewhat) the sin of wanting warmth. so there it is: it has been named and summarily hamstrung. i've slept enough for my one life. i'm free to seek the banter and the closeness, the kisses and whiskey slurs that haunt my insane daysleep. 9:41 p.m. - 2011-10-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||