aosid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - if you'll allow me a tautology: it feels good to feel good again. i had only barely realized what i really missed, had only just begun to imagine silly hypotheticals to bring it back, when she up and built it again. see, it was the candor i missed, the openness that got buried under hormones and physical closeness and her charitable concern and my old longing habits. it can return. i had a few defining habits this summer, but my favorite involved just a voice (and not even an audible one). the very best nights were the ones where i would sit on the porch and find her and talk openly until dawn, no agendas and no baggage. it was strange, it was modern, and it was (no agendas!) lovely. nothing feels like nostalgic grasping, either. there is history and there are things i know now and there is my weird interstitial life, but the whole lot of it is forming a new pattern. thing is, parts have been punched out: desperation, confusion, emptiness. i really won't miss them again. i'm finally ready to move forward. it feels good to feel good again. 5:36 a.m. - 2011-11-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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